Good. Caelus seemed pretty freaked out...sorry I couldn't stay longer. [she had her own blonde to chase. and speaking of...]
He's doing better. He...told me a little about what you guys went through and I think a lot of it still messed with him more than it should have, but he's getting better. He should be a little more himself in the next few days. [she doesn't really answer about herself because her focus is always on other people, as usual.] I'm just glad the healing springs arrived when they did.
[ He shakes his head at the apology, though he's also a bit mystified why Caelus has suddenly had a change of heart around him when only weeks ago, he'd been telling Aventurine to earn his trust back.
But his focus returns to hearing about Cloud's progress. ]
It's good to hear that... He tried to save me, you know. Back at the arena.
[her perspective of the honkais and what they mean to each other is so skewed it's a little funny, but that happens when half of the cast dies immediately. so caelus's behavior was...mildly understandable, even if she's biased and was a bit miffed he just kind of left cloud behind.
(again, biases.)
she hears aventurine say this though and for a short moment she's staring at him. it's hard to say what she might be thinking given the very carefully blank expression on her face, but one little thought appears: unsurprising.]
...he was really scared you were still dead, even if he won't say it directly. Asked me a few times to make sure you made it back and you were okay. Cloud may seem...harsh sometimes, but he's not the type to leave someone behind. Especially if they can't defend themselves as well as they normally could.
[ HELP meanwhile Aventurine like i've known the honkais for a week and also boothill is here i guess.
It's okay, Aerith, he'd be miffed too if he hadn't been unconscious during most of that. Cloud had been a big help at the tournament, as reluctant as he is to admit it. He'd been a royal pain in the ass, too, but they'd all been grieving. ]
Ha... Yuffie tried to tell me the same thing back then. [ Feels like ages ago now. ] I guess I didn't want to listen at the time after what happened between us, but I see it now to be true. He's a good man.
unfortunately for everyone, aventurine says that and there's the tiniest little hearts floating above her head as she nods.]
It's hard to believe because he wants to pretend he has a tough reputation still, but he caved to Yuffie back when she was asking to join us. [...] And even when I willingly relinquished myself back to Shinra, it was his idea to break in and rescue me. I wouldn't be free without him and the others.
[so. it 100% makes sense to her that he'd never leave aventurine to the wolves if they entered this situation together.]
He told me about the tournament and the choices you guys had to make. Are you...[a pause.] I can't imagine that was easy on anybody.
Sounded that way...he didn't exactly have his sanity left when you got back. [she's used to his specific brand of brain soup, so watching it manifest differently was enough to alert her something went horrible wrong.][...] But I said the same to Erin last week. Just because it wasn't real doesn't mean the feelings attached to it aren't. Nobody should rush processing through everything. [everyone take your time with your mental health, damn.]
[...i wonder where the rest of my tag went. okay. well. that's fine. it can just stay gone i suppose. anyway she is finding a lot of people have been asking her that this week and she never knows how to answer, so she frowns a little.]
I'm...managing, I think. [it's a tentative answer that's somewhat neutral.] It's always hard to see people you care about going through terrible things you can't fix or support them through. That goes for both of you. [there are too many things he experienced that are too close though.]
[ A moment of silence stretches out between them. Aventurine studies Aerith with some consideration, his own concern present in his expression. He doesn't bother hiding it for her. After all, she's never hid it from him. ]
[a flicker of a smile, and a flicker of a thought: for now. but it quickly dissipates into something more quiet and empty.]
Don't really know where I'd be without him. All of them, actually. I can only hope I'm doing everything I can for them, too. It's what made leaving Yuffie so hard, too.
[she wants to ask if aventurine's ever had someone he can really count on like that, but she thinks about the tiny aventurine and the sister he mentioned and how some things don't add up. it's a waiting game to see how much he feels like prying and how much he'll allow in turn.]
[ Just like with the tattoo from the very first week, Aventurine avoids bringing attention to the thought. ]
... I worry about Yuffie.
[ More than he lets on. ]
Maybe it won't mean much coming from me, but from where I've been watching, I see you've been doing more than enough for everyone. And, excuse my honesty, but I've started to worry about you, too. That all of this effort comes at your expense.
I don't want you to feel guilty for this, but she missed you a lot more than she ever wanted to let on. I'm sure hearing from us helped but...her letter's got me worried all over again. I didn't want her to feel alone.
[so she has one water bottle with his brain problems, and another who's gradually backsliding and losing everyone she cares about. of course it's been a little stressful when she can't properly fix things.]
Your words mean more than you think, Aventurine. [first and foremost.] I get it. It probably seems like a lot, and maybe it is. But it's the only shot I have at trying to fix the damage caused. I care about everyone here because none of us asked for this. And this isn't the path we were meant to take. But for those two especially...everything I have is meant for them. Probably sounds a little silly, doesn't it?
[ Ah, well. The guilt's always been the quickest to reach him, and Aventurine looks somber for a moment. He'd been here the longest, grown the most complacent in a lot of ways, and the idea of sending letters had made him anxious about possibly being discovered by the cult.
But hearing this now, his heart hangs heavy. ]
I'm going to write to her.
[ Anxiety be damned. ]
And no, it doesn't sound silly at all. Before... all of this, I wouldn't have been able to understand. But there are people that I care about now, as unfamiliar as the feeling is, and I think I can share in those exact sentiments.
She'd like that. [she thinks maybe anyone he was close to might, but her yuffie bias is in play here. she studies him carefully, tilting her head a moment to try and read his face.]
Were you lonely before? Only looking after yourself and only having yourself to rely on.
[this is such a large assumption but she's asking based on context clues. maybe aventurine didn't actually care at all as long as he got his way. the only way to know is to ask.]
[ It's not a large leap to make considering... all of him. But he does huff out a breath, a sound akin to a laugh. ]
I guess I don't hide it very well these days.
[ With so much happening and the people he's learned to care about and depend on... He's never had anything like it before. ]
I lost the people closest to me at a young age, you see, and my life before this place didn't afford me many opportunities for making genuine relationships.
Not really. [ruthless, but still kind about it.] ...your family though, I take it. [you were looking for your sister...]
It's difficult to try and form attachments when you have to look out for number one just to stay alive. And for someone like you who takes big risks I can imagine it's even harder to trust people in case they double-cross you, even if you did want to place trust in them. But...being here changes things a little, doesn't it? Everybody restricted from their usual circumstances and in the same situation.
[she does sort of wonder how he would have thrived if he wasn't killed immediately.]
Think it's something you'll be able to carry back with you when we find a way out?
Yup. No veils, no places to hide. Just you as you are. And it seems like the person you are is someone people like, if they're still getting to know you and letting you know them in return.
[...she continues to quietly analyze him for a moment.]
I'm not going to ask you about your circumstances back home. The way you view yourself kinda says enough. But I do think the effort and wanting to hope for that says enough, too. You'll get there. It's funny. Once it starts, I think it's one of those things you don't really forget how to do because you never realized how much you wanted it to begin with.
[ SHE IS READING HIM LIKE A BOOK. A CHILDREN'S BOOK. WITH PICTURES. ]
It's almost frightening how easily you put it to words... For a time, all I ever sought were cheap thrills and risks and the next biggest payoff, but these days, I'm finding that fervent desire has shifted its course.
[ A huff of breath, something caught between a sigh and a laugh. ]
Because trying to bring people closer is the biggest risk of all? [it's a little dry, but understanding.] I think...maybe I understand it a little better than you'd think. And as someone with experience, let me just say it does, actually, get easier and easier.
When you think about it, your best is all you can really do. It's just that your best becomes better over time.
Happy to do it. Keep that in mind, okay? For anything. [because at this point all they can do is try to help each other through.] Even if it's just to tell you you're likeable.
[it's a joke but yeah, she'll hype him up??? horrible.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ There is blood back in his body, yay. But also, ]
How are you? How's Cloud?
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He's doing better. He...told me a little about what you guys went through and I think a lot of it still messed with him more than it should have, but he's getting better. He should be a little more himself in the next few days. [she doesn't really answer about herself because her focus is always on other people, as usual.] I'm just glad the healing springs arrived when they did.
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But his focus returns to hearing about Cloud's progress. ]
It's good to hear that... He tried to save me, you know. Back at the arena.
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(again, biases.)
she hears aventurine say this though and for a short moment she's staring at him. it's hard to say what she might be thinking given the very carefully blank expression on her face, but one little thought appears: unsurprising.]
...he was really scared you were still dead, even if he won't say it directly. Asked me a few times to make sure you made it back and you were okay. Cloud may seem...harsh sometimes, but he's not the type to leave someone behind. Especially if they can't defend themselves as well as they normally could.
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It's okay, Aerith, he'd be miffed too if he hadn't been unconscious during most of that. Cloud had been a big help at the tournament, as reluctant as he is to admit it. He'd been a royal pain in the ass, too, but they'd all been grieving. ]
Ha... Yuffie tried to tell me the same thing back then. [ Feels like ages ago now. ] I guess I didn't want to listen at the time after what happened between us, but I see it now to be true. He's a good man.
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unfortunately for everyone, aventurine says that and there's the tiniest little hearts floating above her head as she nods.]
It's hard to believe because he wants to pretend he has a tough reputation still, but he caved to Yuffie back when she was asking to join us. [...] And even when I willingly relinquished myself back to Shinra, it was his idea to break in and rescue me. I wouldn't be free without him and the others.
[so. it 100% makes sense to her that he'd never leave aventurine to the wolves if they entered this situation together.]
He told me about the tournament and the choices you guys had to make. Are you...[a pause.] I can't imagine that was easy on anybody.
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But then the smile drops from his face as he recalls the events of yesterday. After a moment of collecting himself, he nods. ]
... Yeah. The four of us were driven to the edge of our sanities, I would say.
[ And then, a little more hesitantly, ]
I'm okay... I think talking about it has helped with the process of understanding none of it was real. Well, besides the injuries.
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You never answered how you were doing in all of this, Miss Aerith.
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I'm...managing, I think. [it's a tentative answer that's somewhat neutral.] It's always hard to see people you care about going through terrible things you can't fix or support them through. That goes for both of you. [there are too many things he experienced that are too close though.]
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... I'm glad you two have each other.
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Don't really know where I'd be without him. All of them, actually. I can only hope I'm doing everything I can for them, too. It's what made leaving Yuffie so hard, too.
[she wants to ask if aventurine's ever had someone he can really count on like that, but she thinks about the tiny aventurine and the sister he mentioned and how some things don't add up. it's a waiting game to see how much he feels like prying and how much he'll allow in turn.]
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... I worry about Yuffie.
[ More than he lets on. ]
Maybe it won't mean much coming from me, but from where I've been watching, I see you've been doing more than enough for everyone. And, excuse my honesty, but I've started to worry about you, too. That all of this effort comes at your expense.
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[so she has one water bottle with his brain problems, and another who's gradually backsliding and losing everyone she cares about. of course it's been a little stressful when she can't properly fix things.]
Your words mean more than you think, Aventurine. [first and foremost.] I get it. It probably seems like a lot, and maybe it is. But it's the only shot I have at trying to fix the damage caused. I care about everyone here because none of us asked for this. And this isn't the path we were meant to take. But for those two especially...everything I have is meant for them. Probably sounds a little silly, doesn't it?
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But hearing this now, his heart hangs heavy. ]
I'm going to write to her.
[ Anxiety be damned. ]
And no, it doesn't sound silly at all. Before... all of this, I wouldn't have been able to understand. But there are people that I care about now, as unfamiliar as the feeling is, and I think I can share in those exact sentiments.
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Were you lonely before? Only looking after yourself and only having yourself to rely on.
[this is such a large assumption but she's asking based on context clues. maybe aventurine didn't actually care at all as long as he got his way. the only way to know is to ask.]
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I guess I don't hide it very well these days.
[ With so much happening and the people he's learned to care about and depend on... He's never had anything like it before. ]
I lost the people closest to me at a young age, you see, and my life before this place didn't afford me many opportunities for making genuine relationships.
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It's difficult to try and form attachments when you have to look out for number one just to stay alive. And for someone like you who takes big risks I can imagine it's even harder to trust people in case they double-cross you, even if you did want to place trust in them. But...being here changes things a little, doesn't it? Everybody restricted from their usual circumstances and in the same situation.
[she does sort of wonder how he would have thrived if he wasn't killed immediately.]
Think it's something you'll be able to carry back with you when we find a way out?
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You're right about that. In a place like this, I've only had time to get to know people, and they've gotten to know me in turn.
[ It's changed him in ways that he hadn't thought possible. It's opened him up to possibilities that he thought were long gone for someone like him. ]
... I hope so, Miss Aerith. If not for my sake, then everyone else's. I think I owe them all that much.
[ For their unending patience and kindness. ]
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[...she continues to quietly analyze him for a moment.]
I'm not going to ask you about your circumstances back home. The way you view yourself kinda says enough. But I do think the effort and wanting to hope for that says enough, too. You'll get there. It's funny. Once it starts, I think it's one of those things you don't really forget how to do because you never realized how much you wanted it to begin with.
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It's almost frightening how easily you put it to words... For a time, all I ever sought were cheap thrills and risks and the next biggest payoff, but these days, I'm finding that fervent desire has shifted its course.
[ A huff of breath, something caught between a sigh and a laugh. ]
So, I'll do the best that I can.
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Because trying to bring people closer is the biggest risk of all? [it's a little dry, but understanding.] I think...maybe I understand it a little better than you'd think. And as someone with experience, let me just say it does, actually, get easier and easier.
When you think about it, your best is all you can really do. It's just that your best becomes better over time.
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[it's a joke but yeah, she'll hype him up??? horrible.]