You're the one who wouldn't even answer my question the other night and then promptly fell asleep! You didn't even say anything about how much Nehan was worrying you! You didn't tell me a single thing about when you vanished on one of those trips and came back, you brushed it off. Who knows what else you haven't been telling me! It's just fine for me to be the problem, but when it's you, you have better dodging skills than a rogue.
I've spent my entire life keeping secrets, working as a hand to a queen whose sole purpose was to keep and find secrets, but I'm trying to be better about that, yet my own best friend won't even tell me a hint of what's plaguing him at any given time.
[ This is such a valid crashout. He had no idea he was being like this? This entire time, he had just been trying to keep from burdening Essek who already seemed to have a million troubles, but he gets especially stuck on one part. ]
[His expression (and mood) crumples, and he immediately goes quiet. He looks like he might like to cry, but out of embarrassment and frustration more than anything else.
DON'T JUST SAY NOTHING AND LATCH ONTO THAT PART, YOU PIECE OF SHIT FRIEND.]
[ GREAT NOW WHAT HE'S PANICKING!! He will shove this stupid water bottle into Essek's hand like it will help if he drinks some water, maybe he's dehydrated. ]
You just... caught me by surprise, that's all. I've never had a best friend, and I didn't think―Goodness, this is going to sound terrible, but I didn't think anyone would ever call me that, and I...
[ Okay. He falters for a moment, and then grabs Essek's shoulder to pull him into a hug. ]
I'm sorry. I thought I was sparing you the trouble, but I realize how selfish I've been.
[He takes the bottle only because he doesn't want to to just end up on the ground, but both arms go slack by his side, so he's just :man_standing: holding this damn water bottle he has to be responsible for now.
When Aventurine hugs him, he does not lift his arms to hug back, but he does drop half of his face against Aventurine's shoulder. Glaring over it....... The emotional vibes are the Animal Crossing swirlies.
[ This is fine. Just continues to hug Essek and pat his back in what he hopes is a soothing manner while the guilt consumes him. ]
Of course I'm worried about Nehan. I don't get much sleep because of it. Haven't since that very first day that I arrived. As for my trip, it really wasn't that eventful. I was in and out, and while I did die when I was there, it wasn't as traumatic as it sounds.
[ A deep breath. ]
As for the other night, I'm worried. I'm nervous. I think of all the things that could go wrong, and sometimes I have trouble breathing because I drive myself into such a frenzy. I'm really sorry, Essek, it's not that I don't trust you, it's just... I don't tell people these sorts of things. I've always managed on my own.
[This is worse than he could have imagined. It's been seven weeks? It's been seven weeks, you flying fuckwad of a person!!!
Aventurine can feel his jaw tighten. What the hell is the point in him then! He is still quiet for a long time. He doesn't really lift his head, but he tips it enough he can talk without being muffled.]
I have done horrible, unspeakable things most of my life. I have done things without batting an eye of hesitation, all for my own gain.
For once, I would like to do something better, something better for someone else besides myself. I thought I could do that with you. I thought you would let me do that because I thought that's what... that's what friends do.
[Right? Is he wrong? He has never had fucking friends until very recently, and he thought that is what they told him, showed him. That the point of friends is to share the burden.]
[ Ah. It's his turn to go silent, allowing the weight of Essek's words to sit heavy atop his chest. It's hard to put into words just how much he can't get used to the idea of relying on someone else. Even to this day, he's frightened at the chance of Nehan growing tired of him, of losing one more person that he loves. To think that another person has been added to that circle of concern. ]
But... you have done something better. I've told you before that you've made this place bearable for me. I look forward to spending time with you and to our conversations, whether they're silly or serious.
To be honest with you, Essek, I don't know what it is that friends do either. I'm trying to learn as well. Back in my cosmos, my eyes and this brand on my neck are enough to keep people away from me. It's really only when I'm in a place like this that I'm treated... normally. It's still something that I'm getting used to, and I guess... I guess I just don't know how to lower my guard.
[Both of them need to be killed. After a moment, the water bottle clatters to the ground, and he raises his arms to loop them around Aventurine's back, squeezing the shit out of him.
Die.]
You could have stayed in the room with me if you weren't sleeping well. You could have always found me if you were anxious. I didn't even-- I knew you weren't telling me things. I should have pushed you harder to stop being an idiot.
[As if he didn't have the highest fucking guard for a century.]
But I didn't want you to pull even more away, especially after...
[WELL! THINGS! He's sure Aventurine might pull back after the crush debacle. Stupid. It's all stupid!!]
But there goes their one water bottle. It's probably rolling down the trail now. ]
Pull away?
[ He laughs at that, but there's nothing mocking about the sound. It's more relief than anything else that Essek is finally reciprocating the hug, and all at once, the crushing weight against his chest disappears. He hasn't lost his friend. ]
You're not getting rid of me that easily. Not after all the trouble you put me through to get you to even like me in the first place.
He makes a disgruntled sort of muttering and grumbling noise under his breath at that. Okay, LOOK. Good thing Aventurine won't ever know he kissed him when he was asleep. Somnophilia kink... (no)]
If that's the case, then do your part, you giant idiot. If you can talk to anyone, it ought to be Nehan, then me. And since Nehan isn't here, you're left with me. Lucky you.
Are you still having trouble sleeping and breathing? Why did you even pick this place then!
[ It's okay if Essek has a somno kink. There are so many other things wrong with him. ]
Can't stand me? I just thought a nice walk would do some good for the both of us. If I had known we'd be having this talk in the middle of it, I would have picked somewhere else!
[ At least it's easy to fall back into old habits with Essek. Like arguing. ]
... And my breathing is fine. It's just sleep that escapes me. I take naps here and there, but I haven't had a restful night's sleep in a while.
[He makes an exasperated noise with the vibe of CHRIST!! but he isn't from Earth to know that exclamation.
He leans back and puts his hands on Aventurine's arms instead. In case he needs to shake the shit out of Aventurine probably.]
Would you stop that? Do you want to stay somewhere together so you can get some sleep? You can't think you exist when it has been almost eight weeks, and you haven't been sleeping. This is why you're insane.
Anyway, they pull away from their hug, and Aventurine gawks at Essek. ]
I think my efforts for getting this far should be commended at least a little bit more than that. [ No, they should not. ] But I don't know. Maybe. I did see there was a motel setup.
[DON'T GET DISTRACTED. Also, don't gawk, you stupid idiot.][If you want friends, you will realize they will tell you the hard truths when you don't want them to do it.]
Alright, it's done then.
[HE DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO NEGOTIATE, HE JUST IMMEDIATELY ASSIGNED AVENTURINE IN A ROOM WITH HIM SO HE CAN SLEEP.]
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I'm desperate not to be in last place.
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Then move my team out of fourth and put us in last.
[Simple. Maybe they'll get sacrificed first.]
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What was that?
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"Then... move my team out of fourth... and put us in last"?
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[ Smacks the heel of his palm against Essek's forehead!! ]
You think I don't trust you?
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[Wincing, reaching up to rub his palmed forehead. Wtf.]
Huh? [FUCK, not the thoughtshare.] No, I...
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Sure, I'll wait. Spin your poor excuse.
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Poor--?
[OFFENDED.]
You're the one who wouldn't even answer my question the other night and then promptly fell asleep! You didn't even say anything about how much Nehan was worrying you! You didn't tell me a single thing about when you vanished on one of those trips and came back, you brushed it off. Who knows what else you haven't been telling me! It's just fine for me to be the problem, but when it's you, you have better dodging skills than a rogue.
I've spent my entire life keeping secrets, working as a hand to a queen whose sole purpose was to keep and find secrets, but I'm trying to be better about that, yet my own best friend won't even tell me a hint of what's plaguing him at any given time.
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... I'm your best friend?
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DON'T JUST SAY NOTHING AND LATCH ONTO THAT PART, YOU PIECE OF SHIT FRIEND.]
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[ GREAT NOW WHAT HE'S PANICKING!! He will shove this stupid water bottle into Essek's hand like it will help if he drinks some water, maybe he's dehydrated. ]
You just... caught me by surprise, that's all. I've never had a best friend, and I didn't think―Goodness, this is going to sound terrible, but I didn't think anyone would ever call me that, and I...
[ Okay. He falters for a moment, and then grabs Essek's shoulder to pull him into a hug. ]
I'm sorry. I thought I was sparing you the trouble, but I realize how selfish I've been.
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When Aventurine hugs him, he does not lift his arms to hug back, but he does drop half of his face against Aventurine's shoulder. Glaring over it....... The emotional vibes are the Animal Crossing swirlies.
HE IS QUIET FOR A LONG TIME.]
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Of course I'm worried about Nehan. I don't get much sleep because of it. Haven't since that very first day that I arrived. As for my trip, it really wasn't that eventful. I was in and out, and while I did die when I was there, it wasn't as traumatic as it sounds.
[ A deep breath. ]
As for the other night, I'm worried. I'm nervous. I think of all the things that could go wrong, and sometimes I have trouble breathing because I drive myself into such a frenzy. I'm really sorry, Essek, it's not that I don't trust you, it's just... I don't tell people these sorts of things. I've always managed on my own.
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Aventurine can feel his jaw tighten. What the hell is the point in him then! He is still quiet for a long time. He doesn't really lift his head, but he tips it enough he can talk without being muffled.]
I have done horrible, unspeakable things most of my life. I have done things without batting an eye of hesitation, all for my own gain.
For once, I would like to do something better, something better for someone else besides myself. I thought I could do that with you. I thought you would let me do that because I thought that's what... that's what friends do.
[Right? Is he wrong? He has never had fucking friends until very recently, and he thought that is what they told him, showed him. That the point of friends is to share the burden.]
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But... you have done something better. I've told you before that you've made this place bearable for me. I look forward to spending time with you and to our conversations, whether they're silly or serious.
To be honest with you, Essek, I don't know what it is that friends do either. I'm trying to learn as well. Back in my cosmos, my eyes and this brand on my neck are enough to keep people away from me. It's really only when I'm in a place like this that I'm treated... normally. It's still something that I'm getting used to, and I guess... I guess I just don't know how to lower my guard.
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Die.]
You could have stayed in the room with me if you weren't sleeping well. You could have always found me if you were anxious. I didn't even-- I knew you weren't telling me things. I should have pushed you harder to stop being an idiot.
[As if he didn't have the highest fucking guard for a century.]
But I didn't want you to pull even more away, especially after...
[WELL! THINGS! He's sure Aventurine might pull back after the crush debacle. Stupid. It's all stupid!!]
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But there goes their one water bottle. It's probably rolling down the trail now. ]
Pull away?
[ He laughs at that, but there's nothing mocking about the sound. It's more relief than anything else that Essek is finally reciprocating the hug, and all at once, the crushing weight against his chest disappears. He hasn't lost his friend. ]
You're not getting rid of me that easily. Not after all the trouble you put me through to get you to even like me in the first place.
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He makes a disgruntled sort of muttering and grumbling noise under his breath at that. Okay, LOOK. Good thing Aventurine won't ever know he kissed him when he was asleep. Somnophilia kink... (no)]
If that's the case, then do your part, you giant idiot. If you can talk to anyone, it ought to be Nehan, then me. And since Nehan isn't here, you're left with me. Lucky you.
Are you still having trouble sleeping and breathing? Why did you even pick this place then!
I can't stand you.
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Can't stand me? I just thought a nice walk would do some good for the both of us. If I had known we'd be having this talk in the middle of it, I would have picked somewhere else!
[ At least it's easy to fall back into old habits with Essek. Like arguing. ]
... And my breathing is fine. It's just sleep that escapes me. I take naps here and there, but I haven't had a restful night's sleep in a while.
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He leans back and puts his hands on Aventurine's arms instead. In case he needs to shake the shit out of Aventurine probably.]
Would you stop that? Do you want to stay somewhere together so you can get some sleep? You can't think you exist when it has been almost eight weeks, and you haven't been sleeping. This is why you're insane.
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Anyway, they pull away from their hug, and Aventurine gawks at Essek. ]
I think my efforts for getting this far should be commended at least a little bit more than that. [ No, they should not. ] But I don't know. Maybe. I did see there was a motel setup.
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Alright, it's done then.
[HE DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO NEGOTIATE, HE JUST IMMEDIATELY ASSIGNED AVENTURINE IN A ROOM WITH HIM SO HE CAN SLEEP.]
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You aren't going to leave me there by myself as payback for my stunt all those weeks ago, are you?
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I'll consider whether or not I am feeling vengeful or lenient, but the method for you remains the same. If you don't show up, I will hunt you down.
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I guess there aren't that many places to hide. Fine, then. We'll see if this works.
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