[Wow. This is such a thing to say to a man who you realized had a crush on you, but who you rejected. This is truly such a thing to say.
He shakes his head a little, though not in rejection, or disbelief, and then he drops his head onto his arms now that Aventurine has laid back like they are two gossiping highschool girls.]
There isn't ever... [A sigh.] I've spent so long of my life studying it: time. But there doesn't ever seem to be enough... time. What do I truly know about someone in eight weeks, even here? I only know so much about Caleb, and I've known him longer still.
My lifespan is so different from most others. [He pauses for a long moment.] Anders said it was worth it. Love. Despite that.
But knowing I would have to say goodbye...
Edited (i give up on spelling) 2025-07-16 04:01 (UTC)
[ KILLS YOU TO DEATH WITH HAMMERS!!!! IT WAS JUST A CRUSH AND ESSEK IS TALKING ABOUT FOUR OTHER MEN IN THIS THREAD *i miscounted it's FIVE
But man, this is getting depressing. He's silent as he listens, waiting until Essek has finished talking to reach out with a hand to pat him on the shoulder. He can't understand what it means to live a longer lifespan than most, expects to live a much shorter life than even the one he has, but he can see where it might haunt the individual with all kinds of concerns. ]
... What's so wrong about goodbyes?
[ How many times in his life has Aventurine had to say goodbye? Countless farewells, innumerable heartbreaks, but hope that, at the end of it all, there will be a warm, loving reunion. ]
If it means getting to know someone, if they get to leave a bittersweet mark in your life and your memories and in the moments that remind you of them most, isn't that a chance worth taking?
[WHY ARE YOU BOOING ME I'M RIGHT. Aventurine just continues to keep saying things to Essek, a man who had a crush on him. Thank you. Maybe he'll get launched into space.
Don't pat him!! He reaches up to grab Aventurine's hand, to stop it, but then ends up just holding it there.
There are so many things wrong with goodbyes to a person who has only come into having friends at all literally recently. He does NOT want to say goodbye. And yet, will he not be saying goodbye to Aventurine at the end of this, too? Nehan, Mumu, Scien. The others. knowing he most likely will go back to be crushed by Lucien, possessed by the Somnovem.]
I don't want to lose what I've only just begun to understand.
[ IS THIS NOT SUPPORT? DID YOU NOT COME HERE TO BE CONSOLED LIKE A SICK WET CAT?
Anyway, they can hold hands instead. It nerfs Aventurine for when he'll have to bean Essek with another pillow for these thoughts that he is having. Say them out loud, coward, and see what happens. ]
Well, aren't you being greedy? [ There's a laugh in his voice, but it's fond. ] ... There'll come a time when we'll have to say our goodbyes, and when that day arrives, you'll have a better understanding of what you're only now coming to know.
[ He gives Essek's hand a light squeeze, the laugh in his voice still present as he stares up at the ceiling of his suite. ]
Don't be frightened of a loss that has yet to happen. I don't want to be just another life waiting to be extinguished in these gloomy thoughts of yours.
[ Fine, he won't try and smother Essek with a pillow again, but he will pull his hand away from where it's being held so he can ruffle Essek's hair. ]
You'll never be able to prove it to the others.
[ Laughs a little because truly, he has his insecurities under such lock and key. But it's not so bad having just a handful of people who know, who can tease him for it like it's not the debilitating, world-ending trauma that it feels like it is.
But as his laughter dies down, Aventurine huffs out a breath, giving a shake of his head. ]
I'm a life that isn't going anywhere. Not anytime soon, at least. Don't concern yourself with someone like me and focus on surviving your own ordeal first. Once you've achieved your victory, I'll throw you a grand celebration and really rub it in your face how embarrassing you were this entire time.
[He makes the worst wet cat grumbly growl. He looks a lot better with the hair ajar in every direction, but he reaches up, annoyed and particular, to try to comb it into something decent with his fingers anyway.]
It's not my fault they are blind to the truth.
[They are the fools here, not him.
He peers at Aventurine, lips thin.]
I am truly going to hunt you for sport if I live through whatever Lucien is going to pull out of his ass. You are the worst at this, by the way. I don't even know why we're friends.
[He is not nearly any better, so he can shut up with his teasing.]
Don't forget that you were the one sulking by my door.
[ He could have gone to anyone else for advice instead of choosing this absolute trainwreck of a human being. ]
Besides, it's not like I've done this before. This may be embarrassing to admit, but I don't exactly have genuine friendships outside of like... you and maybe one other person.
[There is not a single bit of innocence here at all.]
Shut up.
[He raises his hand like he plans to smash the pillow over Aventurine's own face, but the next bit makes him falter. His brows furrow, though his expression is softened.]
That makes two of us then. Well... before the Mighty Nein and the village. I didn't have anyone except... maybe my brother.
[He will find a way to kill you regardless, and the other options are a lot more horrific.
He makes a face as you do when discussing what seems like the merits of siblings, but then his expression softens slightly.
He drops his head onto his arms again.]
Nothing like me really. The opposite of me. Someone who loved always swinging a glaive and being in battle. He's a commander in the Bright Queen's military. The Aurora Watch.
[He is unfortunately also hot as shit, but so are all three Thelysses.]
He enjoys literature, though. Everyone thinks he is stupid because of how he acts, but he is actually incredibly smart. When he puts his mind to it.
[ Says Aventurine, and then immediately memshares him keeping his dead dad's tattered old shirt for years until it was so threadbare that it basically fell apart.
He waves his free hand in the air like it'll make the memory go away faster. ]
[HELLO??? He makes a FACE at being called sentimental only for the two of them to experience the most fucking sentimental piece of shit thing imaginable.]
Uh-huh.
[HE'S sentimental, sure.]
You kept his shirt. [Until it was rotted. A bit more quietly:] What happened to him...?
[SWATS AT THE HAND, annoyed. Less about the poking and more about the fact Aventurine turned this into a dunk on him when he was about to be a little more open (not that Aventurine would have KNOWN this).]
The last time I saw my father, I had made him terribly angry, and he went into the ruins of Bazzoxan ill-prepared, and we never saw him again.
Edited (my fingers mixed up my letters hello) 2025-07-18 03:41 (UTC)
[ Truly the worst thing about decorating his bed with like twenty pillows is that they're all weapons now. Aventurine grabs the one Essek had hit him with and throws it off to the side. ]
Please. I'm always going to convince myself it was my fault no matter what others may tell me. If logic and reason were enough to make the guilt go away...
[ Gives a very pointed smile to Essek. ]
We wouldn't be such head-cases in the first place, would we?
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He shakes his head a little, though not in rejection, or disbelief, and then he drops his head onto his arms now that Aventurine has laid back like they are two gossiping highschool girls.]
There isn't ever... [A sigh.] I've spent so long of my life studying it: time. But there doesn't ever seem to be enough... time. What do I truly know about someone in eight weeks, even here? I only know so much about Caleb, and I've known him longer still.
My lifespan is so different from most others. [He pauses for a long moment.] Anders said it was worth it. Love. Despite that.
But knowing I would have to say goodbye...
no subject
But man, this is getting depressing. He's silent as he listens, waiting until Essek has finished talking to reach out with a hand to pat him on the shoulder. He can't understand what it means to live a longer lifespan than most, expects to live a much shorter life than even the one he has, but he can see where it might haunt the individual with all kinds of concerns. ]
... What's so wrong about goodbyes?
[ How many times in his life has Aventurine had to say goodbye? Countless farewells, innumerable heartbreaks, but hope that, at the end of it all, there will be a warm, loving reunion. ]
If it means getting to know someone, if they get to leave a bittersweet mark in your life and your memories and in the moments that remind you of them most, isn't that a chance worth taking?
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Don't pat him!! He reaches up to grab Aventurine's hand, to stop it, but then ends up just holding it there.
There are so many things wrong with goodbyes to a person who has only come into having friends at all literally recently. He does NOT want to say goodbye. And yet, will he not be saying goodbye to Aventurine at the end of this, too? Nehan, Mumu, Scien. The others. knowing he most likely will go back to be crushed by Lucien, possessed by the Somnovem.]
I don't want to lose what I've only just begun to understand.
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Anyway, they can hold hands instead. It nerfs Aventurine for when he'll have to bean Essek with another pillow for these thoughts that he is having. Say them out loud, coward, and see what happens. ]
Well, aren't you being greedy? [ There's a laugh in his voice, but it's fond. ] ... There'll come a time when we'll have to say our goodbyes, and when that day arrives, you'll have a better understanding of what you're only now coming to know.
[ He gives Essek's hand a light squeeze, the laugh in his voice still present as he stares up at the ceiling of his suite. ]
Don't be frightened of a loss that has yet to happen. I don't want to be just another life waiting to be extinguished in these gloomy thoughts of yours.
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Also it is THOUGHT WEEK maybe he just happens to HEAR THEM OR SOMETHING. Stop, don't beat him up. He has suffered enough at your hands.]
You're only saying that because it scares you, too. I've felt the way you are. Worse than me sometimes.
[He doesn't wanna say goodbye! This is why my Xmas fic happens!! He will simply leap through time to experience his friends all again!!]
You aren't just another life I'm extinguishing. You're a life I'm trying to hold onto.
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You'll never be able to prove it to the others.
[ Laughs a little because truly, he has his insecurities under such lock and key. But it's not so bad having just a handful of people who know, who can tease him for it like it's not the debilitating, world-ending trauma that it feels like it is.
But as his laughter dies down, Aventurine huffs out a breath, giving a shake of his head. ]
I'm a life that isn't going anywhere. Not anytime soon, at least. Don't concern yourself with someone like me and focus on surviving your own ordeal first. Once you've achieved your victory, I'll throw you a grand celebration and really rub it in your face how embarrassing you were this entire time.
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It's not my fault they are blind to the truth.
[They are the fools here, not him.
He peers at Aventurine, lips thin.]
I am truly going to hunt you for sport if I live through whatever Lucien is going to pull out of his ass. You are the worst at this, by the way. I don't even know why we're friends.
[He is not nearly any better, so he can shut up with his teasing.]
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Don't forget that you were the one sulking by my door.
[ He could have gone to anyone else for advice instead of choosing this absolute trainwreck of a human being. ]
Besides, it's not like I've done this before. This may be embarrassing to admit, but I don't exactly have genuine friendships outside of like... you and maybe one other person.
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Shut up.
[He raises his hand like he plans to smash the pillow over Aventurine's own face, but the next bit makes him falter. His brows furrow, though his expression is softened.]
That makes two of us then. Well... before the Mighty Nein and the village. I didn't have anyone except... maybe my brother.
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And then Aventurine gets more comfortable, shifting onto his side to prop his head up with a hand as he peers at Essek. ]
What's your brother like? You only mentioned you were older than him.
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He makes a face as you do when discussing what seems like the merits of siblings, but then his expression softens slightly.
He drops his head onto his arms again.]
Nothing like me really. The opposite of me. Someone who loved always swinging a glaive and being in battle. He's a commander in the Bright Queen's military. The Aurora Watch.
[He is unfortunately also hot as shit, but so are all three Thelysses.]
He enjoys literature, though. Everyone thinks he is stupid because of how he acts, but he is actually incredibly smart. When he puts his mind to it.
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I can tell how much you care about him from the way you describe him.
[ His voice is teasing, but he does find this very sweet. ]
A smart, battle-savvy commander, hm? Some siblings get all the luck.
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Oh, shut up.
[So what, they are both pathetic. Two peas in a pod.]
He put jam inside one of my books once.
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I wish I'd been there to see the look on your face when you discovered that!
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You two are just as annoying as each other. You would get along. I told him to stop putting jam in my books and he denied having done it.
I guess it did make me begin to appreciate jam. Not for the taste, but it reminds me of Verin.
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[ Says Aventurine, and then immediately memshares him keeping his dead dad's tattered old shirt for years until it was so threadbare that it basically fell apart.
He waves his free hand in the air like it'll make the memory go away faster. ]
... That was some horrible timing.
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Uh-huh.
[HE'S sentimental, sure.]
You kept his shirt. [Until it was rotted. A bit more quietly:] What happened to him...?
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[ Pokes Essek on the forehead. ]
It was a long time ago. Don't get all somber on me.
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The last time I saw my father, I had made him terribly angry, and he went into the ruins of Bazzoxan ill-prepared, and we never saw him again.
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... Do you blame yourself?
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Yes, of course. It was my fault. I saw him as someone who lacked aspiration, and I told him as much. I sent him to his death.
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It's not as though you ordered him to be ill-prepared or marched him into the ruins yourself.
[ Just kind of a defeated sigh, though, as he closes his eyes. ]
But who am I to tell you these things? I'd be a hypocrite when I carry my own special brand of guilt.
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[He slaps a pillow over Aventurine's face suddenly, but doesn't try to smother.]
Yes, exactly, so shut up. What do you even have to feel guilty about exactly...? What you told me about before? Sacrificing people for you?
You are a changed man now, though, aren't you? Well, except for when it comes to Nehan apparently.
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Please. I'm always going to convince myself it was my fault no matter what others may tell me. If logic and reason were enough to make the guilt go away...
[ Gives a very pointed smile to Essek. ]
We wouldn't be such head-cases in the first place, would we?